Monday, March 31, 2008

Well, I am officially not an unemplyed bum anymore. My cousin needs some help with her flowershop, and I need some extra income, so we are a perfect match. I only work 11 am-4 pm, though, so still feel free to give me a call! I would love to see you or talk with you! Right now I am planning on getting up early and using my mornings to have a quiet time and work out...that hasn't worked out so well in the past, but I'm hoping it does now. I don't want to get lazy in my time off.

I made peanut butter cup brownies today for LG party tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going! Church was so good on Sunday. It was exactly the spiritual filling I'd been craving in Colorado. It made me think, though. I don't want to leave it again this summer. I prayed about my decision to return to the ranch and I believe it's the right one, but my heart is still going to be here with RVC. I want so much to spend time at RVC and with people there, learning from them and absorbing their knowledge and passion and heart. I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life after the ranch, but I do know that I want the things I was learning and growing in at RVC while I was there to be a key part of it.

I've also been thinking about overseas missions. I used to feel this laid on my heart really strongly, but now I'm not sure what part I'm supposed to play in it. I don't want to confuse what God is telling me with what I am in the habit of thinking and believing. So, if you read this and think of me, please pray with me that God will reveal His plan and will to me.

Yep, I think that's all the important things for now. Thanks so much, and love to you, my faithful readers!

Melodic Monday

This is a song from the CD that Elisha and I listened to over and over on our road trip. I fell in love with it because of the idea that there is still someone out there free sailin', maybe calling my name.

Free Sailin' by Hoyt Axton

Windy Friday, she walked into a
Situation that would not soon let her go
If she ever decides to leave here,
Such a woman's been a pleasure just to know

She must have heard me call her name
When I was free sailin'
She must have heard me call her name
When I was alone

I have never seen before me
Another face that can please me like she does
In the morning, in the evening
I thank the stars above for my one and only love

She came to me like a whirlwind
A silk tornado with cyclones in her eyes
If I live to be a thousand
I will never cease to become mesmerized
by her

She must have heard me call her name
When I was free sailin'
She must have heard me call her name
When I was alone
She must have heard me call her name

Friday, March 28, 2008

Home sweet home

I am so glad to be back! What a trip! We got in at about 5 o'clock this morning. We left Laramie, Wyoming yesterday and drove across Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois and Indiana. We feel that those states definitely make up the worst part of the union, esp Nebraska. Talk about a whole lot of nothing. We got pulled over just this side of the Wyoming border for doing 88 in a 75 zone. The officer asked if there was any particular reason for our hurry, and we wanted to say, "We are just trying to get out of your godawful state as quickly as possible!" Of course we didn't. He actually gave us a break and only cited us for going 10 mph over, which knocked the fine down $50. So, it was a long day, but totally worth it to be at home now.

The day before, we drove from Berkley to Laramie, with stops in Tahoe, Virginia City and at the ranch to pick up some more of our stuff. Tahoe was one of the most beautiful places yet. Virginia City was pretty fun--they have tried to keep it like an old west town. It has board sidewalks and lots of nostalgia stores. Elisha was in heaven. She is now considering moving there and opening up a Bonanza memoribilia store. The stop at the ranch was supposed to be quick, just load up our stuff and say a quick hi and get back on the road, but we managed to get the car stuck in the mud. Ugh. I have never seen anything like it. I thought mud was just mud, but the entire place was like a giant hog wallow. I guess that's what happens when 4 feet of snow starts to melt. I am glad that I'm not going back for a while until it's hopefully dried up. But we got to hang out and chat for a while, and that was fun.

Today has been spent sleeping, showering, catching up with my dad and trying to get started with the unpacking. My mom is due home from NYC any minute, and my sister and I are planning on hanging out tomorrow. Then I am going to RVC on Sunday--YAY! I'm so looking forward to it and to seeing everyone then!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Things I have learned on this roadtrip:

- There are no service stations for about 70 miles after you cross into Utah
- Hoyt Axton CDs can be played over and over and not grow old
- The movie No Country For Old Men provides endless topics for discussion
- As does the TV show Bonanza
- Stalking people really works
- The desert can be beautiful
- Arizona is called the Grand Canyon State because there is truly nothing else in the state
- Road signs provide hours of entertainment
- The west coast is stunningly beautiful
- Warm weather is DELIGHTFUL after living with four feet of snow
- I love traveling, but I also love having an anchorage to return home to
- Sushi, when eaten by the coast in California and not in landlocked Indiana, is delicious
- Redwoods are beautiful trees
- Monterey is the town I would want to live in if I lived in California
- San Francisco is the town I would visit the most frequently if I lived in California
- There are too many people in California for me to ever really want to live there
- Cable cars make for the cutest San Francisco memoribilia
- Ghiridelli really is the best chocolate in the whole world
- Big cities make me feel claustrophobic if I stay too long
- I miss people at home A LOT!
- I am not as patient, loving, easygoing or slow to anger as I thought I was
- God is infinitely forgiving of this and the only One who gives me the grace to cope

Check Facebook for San Francisco pics--they say it better than I could here!

Melodic Monday

Less Than the Song by Hoyt Axton

I am less than the song I am singing
I am more than I thought I could be
Spent some time as a child in daydreamin'
As a young man I sailed on the sea.

Then come stand by my side where I'm goin'
Take my hand if I stumble and fall
It's the strength that you share when you're growin'
That gives me what I need most of all

Different minds, different changes
Different reasons to believe
Some far journeys we have taken
Some sweet dreams we've had to leave.

And I want you to be happy
And I hope you always will
For I cannot rest easy
'Til all your dreams are real
'Til all your dreams are real.

All your dreams are real, pretty mama
All your dreams are real
All dreams are real, sweet mama
All your dreams are real.

I am less than the song I am singing
I am more than I thought I could be
Spent some time as a child in daydreamin'
As a young man I sailed on the sea...


Well, friends, I am now in San Francisco. I feel like a gypsy. In LA we did the Walk of Fame and the Chinese theater, where I discovered that I have bigger feet than John Wayne. We spent the next couple days in Malibu stalking Pernell Roberts. For those of you who have never heard of him, he's an actor who played Adam Cartwright on Bonanza and Trapper John MD, among other roles. He's Elisha's second favorite actor of all time--Bonanza is her favorite show ever and Adam is her hero. He is 79 years old now. So make a long story short, we were driving down the Pacific Coast highway, and we saw him driving the other direction. We immediately pulled a U-turn and followed him home. He was still sitting in the seat of the van when we pulled up, and he was very nice and charming when we approached him. He signed a movie of Elisha's that had him in it and told a funny story about the lead, Randolph Stott. Then he let us take some pictures with him. I heard that in the past he wasn't always very accomodating to fans, but we figure at this point, he's probably glad to still have some, especially from our generation.

We then drove up to Santa Cruz, where we stayed with Elisha's friends. They have a family of 7 mostly grown children--the youngest is 16. They were really a great family and a lot of fun to hang out with. Elisha grew up in Aptos, so we spent some time visiting some of her old friends and hang-outs. Saturday we went to Monterey to see the aquarium and Cannery Row (yeah John Steinbeck!), and to Carmel for lunch. Carmel was such a rich, snobby little place. We also did the 17 Mile Drive along the coast--absolutely beautiful. On Saturday, we actually got in the ocean. It was FREEZING! I had also forgotten that the ocean was that powerful. Those waves were definitely stronger than me. I admit I wimped out soon, but we got to do some boogie boarding, and that was great. I would love to do it longer if it were warmer out and I were more confident in my swimming abilities. That night we had a bonfire on the beach. There was a fully moon and stars--it was heartachingly beautiful.

Today we went to church and drove up to San Francisco. We are staying with Anna in Berkley. Tomorrow we're going into town to see the sights. Catch y'all on the flip side!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Roadtrip Synopsis

I am sitting in our motel in LA as I write this. It's a been a full past couple of days. Since the last time I posted, we drove from St. George, Utah, where we stayed with friends of Elisha's and went to Zion National Park with them. From there it was on to the Grand Canyon. It was absolutely awe-inspiring. I wish we could have spent more time there. We only had time to drive to a couple view points. I would love to go back and hike to the bottom--then I would feel like I actually "touched" the Grand Canyon (in the ASL sense, Kim ;)). Right now I feel like I was just looking at a giant painting or something. From the Grand Canyon, on to Phoenix. Phoenix was beautiful. 80 degree weather, and it's their spring, so there are wildflowers blooming in the desert. We met up with some friends of Elisha's who were there for spring break and went to the Phoenix Zoo. It'd been years since I'd been to the zoo. It was a lot of fun, as was the fact that I wore short sleeves, flip flops and a skirt.

Last night we went to the Wayne Newton concert. This story requires some background: Elisha is in the National Guard and was in Iraq for a year. While she was there, she was part of Wayne Newton's security detail when he came over for his USO tour. She brought a picture of them together that had been taken then for him to sign. Before the show, she showed it to the lady selling Wayne Newton souvenirs and asked her if she thought Wayne would sign it. It turns out the lady was his mother-in-law. She sent it back to be signed, and a few minutes after, a lady came out and said we could be part of the meet-and-greet with Wayne before the concert. So we went back with a bunch of Wayne-iacs (as Elisha informed me his fans are called). We all got a picture taken with him. He kissed Elisha on the lips before her picture and kissed me on the cheek after mine (I dodged him--I really don't want my first kiss to be from Wayne Newton). Then he called Elisha back so we could get one with the three of us and kissed her again afterwards. He was kissing all the ladies. We were definitely an average of 40 years younger than everyone else. It was really exciting because it's the closest encounter I've ever had with a famous person, but still, I have not become a Wayne-iac. During the concert, he dedicated Moon River to Elisha. I am glad that we went because I know it meant the world to Elisha. But I will be ok if I never see Wayne Newton again. He is a very nice man, though, and very patriotic.

Today we drove to LA. I am kind of overwhelmed by LA. I love the ocean, but I feel distracted from that natural beauty by the monstrous megalopolis towering over me. We just got in this evening, so we drove to Malibu and got some coffee and walked around a little. Tomorrow we are doing the Walk of Fame, Groman's Chinese Theater and Rodeo Boulevard. Should be busy. I am happy because this is the turning point. Up to now, we were going farther and farther away from home. From here we turn north, then back east. I'm glad to be doing all this, but it is so much, and at moments I feel overwhelmed. Elisha is the kind of person that doesn't like to be tied down anywhere--she wants to be moving from place to place and always going somewhere new. I love to travel, but I also love to come home, and have roots and a loved place and people to return to. I don't like to stay there forever, but I don't like to leave it forever, either. Right now I am feeling really homesick. I lost my cell phone in Colorado so I don't have any numbers except my parents (oh yeah--so if anyone wants to e-mail me their number, I would love that), but I haven't even called them because I think I would break down and cry for no good reason. I think that once we get out and start doing stuff tomorrow, I'll start having fun, but tonight I just want to curl up between my parents on our couch at home and hang out with the bro and sis. I bought a calling card today, so I will try to make contact soon.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Carry Me By

I sit here and think of all that You've done
How You even gave me Your one and only Son
I'm trying to fathom all that You are
But so far, Lord, You're so beyond me

I fall down in reverence, I fall down in fear
And I'm asking You, Lord, won't you please draw near?
Won't you open my eyes so that I can see
The ways that You are working in me

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
I need Your love to carry me by

I lay down my life; I put it before you
All that I am is in Your hands
I'm not gonna question why You're so faithful
Or why that You give me the blessings that You have
Let Your glory be known, let Your glory be shown
To lift You up unto the throne
You are my God, You are my King
To You I give, I give You everything

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
I need Your love to carry me by
All I need is Your love, my God
Carry me by

- Sean McDonald

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

On the Road Again!

As I write this, all my bags are packed and I'm getting ready to leave beautiful VVR for a few months. Elisha and I are taking the grand road trip home. Today we drive to Utah to stay with her friends near Vegas, then spend some time checking out their area (Mt. Zion National Park!). From there, on to Arizona, where we will view the Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde and, thanks to Elisha, Wayne Newton in concert. On to southern California--Malibu, LA, up the coast to Elisha's hometown of Watsonville, Monterey to see Cannery Row and John Steinbeck memorabilia, San Francisco to see Anna and the sights there, back to Nevada so Elisha can scope out a future sight for her ranch ;), staying with Anita in Nebraska, and then HOME! I really can't wait to be there. I'm sure the trip will bring many interesting blogs along the way!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Come back home again real soon!

Top 5 Favorite Memories of Vista Verde:

1. Doing the dishes on New Year's Eve after the power outage in our pajamas and snow boots
2. A night drinking wine with Teresa and talking about boys, God, and what have you
3. Vegas, baby!
4. Wearing my cowboy boots down to dinner and slip-sliding all the way until Elisha practically had to carry me--the result was much laughter
5. Night snowshoe during orientation week--the first time I saw the amazing Colorado stars

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Hold on

Thanks to all you RVCers who warmly welcomed my sister last Sunday! She loved the service and the people and enjoyed the newcomers' pizza (thanks for talking her into it, Jonelly!)

We had our "end of the season bash" last night. It was a lot of fun. We had a slide show with lots of different pictures from the season. Ben thanked us and said a few "words," then opened it up to let anyone who wanted to say a few words. It was really great to hear people's takes on the season and things they had learned and observed. I have been doing a lot of pondering on what I've learned, too--probably a later post will emerge from that.

I got a really bad haircut today. I told the lady I wanted the same style, just trimmed up, and showed her a picture of Jessica Alba to show her what I wanted my bangs to look like. Suffice it to say, I do not look like Jessica Alba. She went way too short and went crazy with layers. Hopefully by the time I get home it will have reached a decent length.

Here is a song that I love by Steven Curtis Chapman that I have been thinking about lately:

I have come to this ocean
And the waves of fear are starting to grow
The doubts and questions are rising with the tide
So I'm clinging to the one sure thing I know

I will hold on to the hand of my Savior
And I will hold on with all my might
I will hold loosely to things that are fleeting
And hold on to Jesus
I will hold on to Jesus for life

I've tried to hold many treasures
They just keep slipping through my fingers like sand
But there's one treasure that means more than breath itself
So I'm clinging to it with everything I am

Like a child holding on to a promise
I will cling to His word and believe
As I press on to take hold of that
for which Christ Jesus took hold of me

Hold on for life

Monday, March 3, 2008

Melodic Monday

When the dancers took to the promenade
My heart leapt high, and I was unafraid
Of the feelings I'd stifled for so many years
Tell me, how do you, how do you feel?

Well the band took their places and got all in tune
And then the caller's voice,
Well it rang out beneath the moon
And then the boys took their girls and they started to reel
And they were singin' how do you, how do you feel?

And then the people in the town said that they'd call the police
If we didn't keep down all this disturbin' their peace
And Officer Black, you know he answered their pleas
And he ran up on the hill just to see

Well, he hid in the bushes just a stone's throw away
And then we all saw this change comin' over his face
He was bouncin' to the beat and hoppin' on his heels
Singin' how do you do, how do you feel?"

And then the townspeople asked him if he'd make some arrests
Could they find peace and quiet so they could go back to bed?
He said, "If it's peace that you want, you're gonna find it on the hill
But the silence that you keep, it's the silence that kills."

So the townspeople all got so uptight and mad
You know, they fired him on the spot
And then they threw away his badge
Then they asked him to leave, and he said, "Gladly I will."
They said, "Tell us now - how do you feel?"

He said, "When the dancers took to the promenade,
My heart leapt high, and I was unafraid
Of the feeling I'd stifled for so many years
Tell me, how do you, how do you feel?"
- Rich Mullins

Saturday, March 1, 2008


I finally tracked down Dace yesterday. It's officially confirmed--I'm coming back as a server this summer. I am a little disappointed about not being a kid wrangler. Dace made the comment, "Bekah values having you in the dining room because you're a good learner. It might take you longer, but once you finally do learn something, you get it." Thanks, Dace; why don't you just call me slow and stupid? I think a big part of why I have been so slow to learn is that I'm not a detail person, and our job is an endless litany of tiny details. Also, everything is so black and white (including our ugly man uniforms). I'm all about improvisation and creativity, and there just isn't room for that in the dining room. I understand that there needs to be uniformity, but I feel so constricted by it. Kids are one of my passions and what makes me really come alive. Making sure the coffee cup handles are at 4 o'clock does not light my fire. I'm tired of catering to stupid whims like people wanting half-caf soy lattes and demanding chopped parsley with their salad.

I talked to Dace again about it just to let him know that if a kid wrangler position opens up, I am really interested. It was a little frustrating because I think he thinks it's just about what I want. It is what I want, but it's also about my passions and abilities combining to be of the greatest benefit to the ranch. And I don't think that will happen as a server. I just don't care enough about straight tablecloths and what the correct appetizer utensil is.

Overall, though, I just want to be here for the summer. I told Dace I would do anything, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I was thinking about it more this morning, and the thought popped into my head, "I'm not detail-oriented enough to be a server. I'll never be good enough as a server." How many times is this "good enough" issue going to keep coming up? I think it's licked, and then it crops up again. I do feel like I've made strides in it since coming here, but not as far as I had hoped. I feel like I keep doing this big pendulum swing: "I have to get it perfect!" and then I realize my worth doesn't come from performance, and then I slide back into slacking on detail and punctuality and feel like I have to achieve perfection again. Back and forth. I guess the good thing about pendulums is that the swing gets less every time and continually gravitates toward the middle.

Lord, teach me how to find contentment in You, not in what I do or how well I do it. Show me how I can serve You this summer in the position You've placed me in.