Monday, August 18, 2008

Melodic Monday - Hard to Get by Rich Mullins

Do You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth?
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt?
Do You remember when You lived down here, where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did You forget about us after Your had flown away?
Well, I memorized every word You said
Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

Do You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin?
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then
Did You ever know loneliness? Did You ever know need?
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You are barely holding on and Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know You bore our sorrows
And I know You feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the one who loves me most
And after I have figured this, somehow
All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead and we cannot get free
Of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can't see how you're leading me, unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along, I guess
It's just Your way, and You are just plain hard to get

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Too long!

It's been too long since I've blogged! Things have been CRAZY! Oh my goodness. I don't even know where to start. So...Teresa left the ranch. She had some things she felt like she had to work out with family. That left me and Brooke as co-second in command when Bekah's not in the dining room. I love working with Brooke; she's awesome. But we had some problems with one of the other girls....WAY too long a story to write down here, but basically, she escaped being fired by the skin of her teeth, and she's been reassigned to watering plants. So we're down to four servers, and Maggie leaves at the end of this week, and Brooke leaves the 21st. So Amy and Mindy from housekeeping are cross-training as servers. Insanity.

The last day of the season is September 23. I still have no idea what I'm going to do next. I really want to come back here for the winter season, but I don't feel peace when I pray about it. I'm really sick of the back-and-forth existence, too. I can't start grad school yet. I just want to get married and have babies. Not looking like it's in the cards for me any time soon, though. I would love to have a management position here and stay in the off season. But none of those are really open, and no one has offered them to me or said anything about me staying. Plus, I just have a gut feeling that God is going to move me on. But I'm really, REALLY reluctant to jump back into "I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I can't find a job, I'm living with my parents," etc. That was THE WORST. If I had something I was leaving for, I'd be a lot more settled about it. If I had a car, I'd be tempted to road-trip to CA and live in my car for a few months. Not really. Besides, I don't have one. Maybe I should make Dace an offer on his old pick-up. I don't really have money to throw around if I'm going to jump back into the well of unemployment. Grrr. I hate this.

...On that note, I have to start getting ready for dinner. I would really, really appreciate some prayers for direction and provision!