So, I've been requested to blog some more. Pretty flattering. ;)

Life is crazy but has somewhat settled into a steady rhythm. I'm still working at the home Mon-Fri (looks like I'll be transferring to housekeeping soon--which is good) and taking classes Tues and Thurs night. Effective Biblical Interpretation and Intro to the Gospels and Acts. Next week: midterms. I've also started a paper that I'm finding pretty interesting. My topic is The Names and Titles of Jesus, and the one I'm specifically researching is Son of God.

I'm following the weekly research schedule my prof outlined in the syllabus. Not like me, but I haven't done a research paper in so long...different than an English essay! So far I've done a word search on "Son of God" and looked at the passages where it occurs in the gospels and Acts. Something that struck me was that it is most often used as a title of recognition. Martha calls Jesus Son of God when He asks her if she believes in Him right before He raises Lazarus. Peter calls Jesus the Son of God when he confesses Him as the Messiah. Demons most often refer to Him by this title, and when Satan tempts Him in the desert, he starts with, "If you are the Son of God..." I think the core of Jesus' identity is wrapped up in this title. Not His mission, His profession or His kingship, but the essence of what made Him who He was. Hm, I don't know if that makes sense. Good thing this is just a blog and not my paper!

Anyway, I would love to hear thoughts on this if you have any! Why is "Son of God" special, as opposed to "Son of Man" or "Lamb of God" or any of the many others?

Happy Thursday!

My first day as a 26-yr-old. Man, am I old. Not really, it just seems weird that I could be 26. Wasn't I 18 yesterday or something? And now I feel old for saying that. I feel like every year I'm disappointed by my birthday because I have too high of expectations. This year I didn't actually have any expectations since I'm in a new city where I don't really know anyone. Christina (the roommate) took me out to dinner at P.F. Chang's, and while we were there, she had her friend Kelsa, who stayed with us for a couple weeks while she was looking for a place to live, and Matt and Melissa, who live upstairs, come to our apartment and make a cake. It was really nice of her to do that and really nice of them to come. I was kind of sad that people had to be recruited for my birthday, but it was still really nice of them.

Classes start next week. I'm really looking forward to having something going on besides work. I'm taking Effective Biblical Interpretation and Understanding the Gospels and Acts. Two evening classes, Tues and Thurs, 5 credit hours. I have new student orientation next Friday and my first class September 1. I am pretty stoked for it!

Spiritually, I've been going through a rough patch. Without going into excessive detail, I've struggled more than I ever have with depression and hopelessness. I've prayed and prayed for God to release me from my job, and last Sunday, I realized that what I wanted wasn't just release from the job but release from the depression and hopelessness I feel about my job. It seems so obvious, but I realized that Jesus isn't limited by my job. I don't have to feel that way even while I have this job. I still want a new one, but it's not like Jesus can't lift me out of these feelings.

They say realization is half the battle, but I'm still really struggling with the other half. I really should have gone down front for prayer last Sunday at church, but I hate feeling so conspicuous, especially since I barely know people at church. I hate spilling my messy emotional guts to strangers--it's so embarrassing. I can't keep it "neat" and that bothers me. But I know I can't do this alone--I've been trying all week and it's not working. Every time I have hopeless thoughts or start to sink into depression, or any time I try to think about getting prayer, I get a headache and feel dizzy and nauseas. Which makes me think it's purely spiritual attack, all lies of the enemy, and not grounded in anything real in my life. Or maybe I just need to figure out where I've given the enemy a foothold for this. In any event, I would so love your prayers, especially that I'll have the strength to go forward for prayer tomorrow at church.

I'm thinking of retitling this blog "Never A Dull Moment." That seems to be a fitting title for my life lately. I'm writing this in the Denver International Airport, where I'm waiting for the next 4 and a half hours for a stand-by flight. I missed my flight to San Francisco for my friend Anna's wedding. The wedding isn't until tomorrow, but I'm a bridesmaid and I was supposed to fly in early enough for the rehearsal dinner. Well, thanks to falling back asleep (for an HOUR) after my alarm, and leaving a lot of packing for the morning because I was going to get up early and do it, and underestimating travel time to the airport, and the parking lot being full and my inability to read signs (I bet I'm the only person who could get lost in an airport), I just missed my flight. I think I could have made it if I had run, but they wouldn't let me try at check-in. They put me on stand-by for this evening, which means, assumoing I can get on that flight (please!!), I'll be landing in the middle of the rehearsal dinner. It also means that instead of getting there in time to help Anna with last-minute details, I've become a stressful last-minute detail myself. I wouldn't mind if it were weather or something like that I couldn't help, but the fact that I did it to myself just makes me so mad. Well, now at least I get to ride the BART, something I've wanted to do ever since I read about in a book my mom had about a girl named Donna. Grrr.

Jogging

To anyone who still reads this, thanks. I haven't died or lost my computer, I just haven't had a lot that I've felt like posting lately. It's been a pretty rough transition to Denver for several reasons, and to be honest, I've had some dark moments. I still don't really want to post about that--I haven't even really processed it because I don't want to go back to those times, even in memory. Sometime I will, but not now. There's actually a ton of material about my job and the homies. My roommate's boyfriend came up with that name for the residents, because they live in a home, and I like it.

But anyway, I signed on to post about something funny that happened to me while I was out for a run today. There are some great trails down by the Platte River where you can see the mountains. Right now there are a ton of wildflowers and it's really beautiful. Anyway, I had done the loop to Prince Street, and I was almost back to the parking lot--I just had to cross the bridge. I started getting closer to the bridge and realized that the section of the path right before it was roped off with caution tape. There was a man and a woman with an awning/tent thing set up and they had boxes of something on the grass and on their table. It was really odd, and I didn't want to do the entire loop again, so I tried to sneak around behind the trees. The guy saw me and said, "Whoa! Excuse me, ma'am! We have this caution tape up so people won't come back here." I said, "Sorry, I just need to cross the bridge to get to my car," and he said, "Next time please go around. We don't anyone to get hurt--these are explosives." ??? First of all, why do they have explosives? Second, why work with them in a carnival booth on the bike trails by the Platte? Third, if you must, why not pick a place on the grass instead of roping off a very popular, heavily trafficked path? None of this makes any sense to me. And what kind of explosives could these be? Fireworks? Then why not say fireworks?

I will say one thing: as difficult as life in Denver has been, it has never, not for one second, been dull.

Wide Open by Jason Aldean

At the corner cafe,
She scrapes some quarters off the table,
Says, "Thanks, yeah, now maybe I'll be able
To get that black Mercedes,
I've been saving for."
The other girls say,
"You oughta undo a couple buttons,
Start showing off a little something."
She says, "Naw, y'all go ahead,
Think I'd rather stay poor.
See I'm just making rent."
She said, "This ain't where my road ends."

"This may not be my town,
But it'll do for now,
Til I can figure out,
Who I am,
Where I'm going."
She's slinging eggs and bacon,
With a college education
Just hanging out and waiting,
For a better plan,
She's ok not knowing,
She's young,
And the world's wide open.

There's a rusty old Ford,
Lives out back behind the diner,
Sitting there waiting on her to make her mind up,
It tends to sling a little gravel,
And take her who knows where,
Maybe head out west,
Into in God's hands, I guess.

She throws down that apron,
Takes the money she's been making,
Her life's out there waiting,
Got a better plan,
That's where she's going,
She's young,
And the world's wide open.

Welcome to Boulder

I visited my friend Danielle in Boulder on Saturday. Boulder definitely has a reputation as the funkiest city in Colorado. Danielle told me how when she first moved there, when something weird would happen, people would just tell her, "Welcome to Boulder." I'd never been there before, but after one day, I love it.

Danielle took me downtown to the area where they have a farmer's market. It was over by the time we got there, but we walked by the creek and explored the public library, which is really awesome. It's built out of red rock and spans the creek. There's a waterfall inside, and the part that spans the creek is a coffee shop. Very cool. After checking out the library, we followed the path along the creek, which was not only very picturesque but very, um, Boulderesque. For starters, completely at random, we saw an old vacuum cleaner sitting by a light pole. In case anyone wanted to sweep the gravel off the path, apparently. With a very long extension cord. A little further down, we saw a guy rocking in a hammock hung in a tree by the creek. As we got a little closer, though, we realized that he wasn't alone, and he wasn't just "rocking." Welcome to Boulder.

After that, Danielle took me to her favorite coffee shop/book store. It was a really cute local place with exposed brick interior, huge windows, hanging plants, and a fun, laid-back atmosphere. Plus good coffee. I'm sold. We walked around the shops and streets and had some more "Welcome to Boulder" moments, including a veggie dog stand and a T-shirt with a picture of a tree stump tied up with yellow tape that said "Crime Scene - Do Not Cross."

Oh, and the biggest Boulder moment of all. We walked outside and heard a lot of yelling, hooting and hollering. We looked over to see what was going on, and found ourselves looking at the Boulder Naked Bike Ride. Actually, we were too far way to really see anything, but close enough to know that it was indeed a naked bike ride. Big fat welcome to Boulder.

I really loved it, though. It was a beautiful town, and much smaller than Denver, where I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of people. Closer to the mountains, too. If I stay in Colorado after seminary, I would think about living in Boulder. I need my family to move to Colorado, though.

Where the Green Grass Grows by Tim McGraw

Six lanes, tail lights
Red ants marching into the night
They disappear to the left and right again
Another supper from a sack
A 99-cent heart attack
I've got a pounding head and an aching back
And the camel's buried in a big straw stack

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Every night be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed
Point our rocking chairs toward the west
And plant our dreams where the peaceful river flows
And the green grass grows

I'm from a map dot
A stop sign on the blacktop
Caught the first bus I could hop from there
But all of this glitter is getting dark
There's concrete growing in the city park
I don't know who my neighbors are
There's bars on the corner and bars on my heart

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Every night be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed
Point our rocking chairs toward the west
And plant our dreams where the peaceful river flows
And the green grass grows

Denver

I have been reminded that, as much as I love Colorado and consider it my home too, I will always be a small-town Midwestern girl at heart. Denver isn't that huge of a city, and it's definitely not as busy or impersonal as Chicago, but compared to Lafayette or a guest ranch with 50 people you all know, it seems like it. I am used to people smiling and saying hello when you pass them on the park walk, not averting their eyes and acting creeped out by your friendliness. I'm used to cars stopping at the crosswalk in front of the grocery store (most of the time), and to people not darting out in front of you when they're not at a crosswalk (except on campus). I hate that I have to get on the interstate to get to work and get lost when I try to find an alternate route. I'm also used to most males holding doors for you or letting you walk in front of them. Apparently men don't have time for that in the big city. They have to rush off to drive 70 on the interstate and cut off confused girls with Indiana license plates who they refuse to acknowledge on the sidewalk.

As negative as that sounded, I think I'm going to like it here after I adjust my expectations. I too will learn to be fast, busy and self-absorbed. :) No, really, my apartment is great--we have a fireplace, and I have my own bathroom and a closet almost big enough to turn into a guest room, plus a dishwasher and our own washer and dryer. My room mate is great, too. Her name is Christina and she's really friendly and helpful. I haven't officially started work yet--they want to train me with another girl, so they're waiting to see when she can start. Right now they're going to put me on the night shift, 10 pm-6 am, which I'm not super excited about, but it's only supposed to be temporary. My boss is waiting to get his budget review back, and if everything is approved, he's going to put me in the dining room. I got the tour the other day and met some of the residents, and so far they seem really sweet. I have to take a two-day course to become a Med-Aide, which gives me a little more responsibility somehow. I don't really know much about the job yet. But it has benefits!! No more paying monthly for crappy insurance! Just rent...and car payments...and gas and food. Let's hear it for the adult life!

Faith

“And that is faith, to do God’s will here and now, quietly leaving the results to Him. Faith leaves something to the Lord, it obeys His immediate commandment and leaves to Him direction and destiny. And so faith is accompanied by serenity. . . Concerning his yesterdays faith says, ‘You hem me in behind’. Concerning his tomorrows faith says, ‘You hem me in before’. Concerning his today faith says, ‘You have laid your hand upon me.’ That is enough, just to feel the pressure of the guiding hand.” (J. H. Jowett)