Right now I smell like sunscreen, grass, and sun-baked hair. I love it. It smells like summer and the outdoors. I got to spend some time outside today, just sweeping the walkways, but being out in the sun was great. We have our first "official" guest tonight--some folks who are having a wedding here. They have planted some new trees and, according to Dace, will be removing all the ugly yellow construction machines. However, I can still see some from my window. I can't wait until they're gone and this place goes back to peaceful, natural beauty.
Things have been going pretty well. It's nice to already be in the loop. Up to now it's been a busy whirlwind of preparation for opening. It feels a little strange having so much bigger and younger of a crowd than the winter. There are almost twice as many girls as guys, and most of the girls are still in college. I definitely had an "age check" moment when Rob was telling us a story about something that happened to him in 1987. To joke around with him, I said, "I was four years old in 1987," and Brooke, one of the other servers, pipes up with, "I wasn't even born in 1987!" I guess I deserved it for making fun of Rob. I still can't believe I'm going to be 25 in August. We're hosting a wedding at the ranch this weekend, and Steve walked in and said, "This could be your wedding someday!" Thank you for highlighting my singleness, Steve. It's been a bit of a struggle because there's sooo many younger, skinny, pretty girls here. Comparing myself to other girls has always been something that's hard for me. I just wish people wouldn't make comments that stir the dormant longings in me. So far, I have not gotten to know people on a deep level, but there does not seem to be anyone that I'm interested in.
Somehow I have veered topics. The rehearsal dinner tonight was good. The bride and groom are a lovely, friendly couple. Right now I am hanging out in with my housemates in Hallie and Anita's room. Overall, life is good.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Melodic Monday
Teresa and Anita treated me to a private concert of this song. :)
Oklahoma Hills by Hank Thompson
Many months have come and gone
since I wandered from my home
In those Oklahoma Hills where I was born
Many a page of life has turned
many a lesson I have learned
Yet I feel like in those hills I still belong
Way down yonder in the Indian nation
I rode my pony on the reservation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I was born
A-way down yonder in the Indian nation
a cowboy's life is my occupation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I born
But as I sit here today
many miles I am away
From the place I rode my pony through the draw
Where the Oak and Blackjack trees
kiss the playful prairie breeze
In those Oklahoma Hills where I was born.
Way down yonder in the Indian nation
I rode my pony on the reservation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I was born
A-way down yonder in the Indian nation
a cowboy's life is my occupation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I born
As I turn life a page
to the land of the great Osage
To those Oklahoma Hills where I was born
Where the black oil rolls and flows
and the snow-white cotton grows
In those Oklahoma Hills where I was born.
Way down yonder in the Indian nation
I rode my pony on the reservation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I was born
A-way down yonder in the Indian nation
a cowboy's life is my occupation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I born
Oklahoma Hills by Hank Thompson
Many months have come and gone
since I wandered from my home
In those Oklahoma Hills where I was born
Many a page of life has turned
many a lesson I have learned
Yet I feel like in those hills I still belong
Way down yonder in the Indian nation
I rode my pony on the reservation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I was born
A-way down yonder in the Indian nation
a cowboy's life is my occupation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I born
But as I sit here today
many miles I am away
From the place I rode my pony through the draw
Where the Oak and Blackjack trees
kiss the playful prairie breeze
In those Oklahoma Hills where I was born.
Way down yonder in the Indian nation
I rode my pony on the reservation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I was born
A-way down yonder in the Indian nation
a cowboy's life is my occupation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I born
As I turn life a page
to the land of the great Osage
To those Oklahoma Hills where I was born
Where the black oil rolls and flows
and the snow-white cotton grows
In those Oklahoma Hills where I was born.
Way down yonder in the Indian nation
I rode my pony on the reservation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I was born
A-way down yonder in the Indian nation
a cowboy's life is my occupation
In the Oklahoma Hills where I born
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Cowgirl Up!
Today the wranglers did the first "running in" of the horses, which is when they run them down the road from the pasture to the corral. Bekah let us stop work for a minute to go out on the porch and watch. They did it during the busy holiday time last winter, and it was always so beautiful and stirring, like watching the scene at the end of Hidalgo when they set all the wild horses free.
The horses started coming by, wranglers stationed along the road to urge them on. We watched as they galloped into the corral. Suddenly a pack of about ten of them broke loose and started looping back around the other way to the road. Bekah yelled, "Come on!" and started running. We blindly followed her. We ran to a fork in the road, where she said, "Some of you stay here, and someone come with me down here to keep them from running over the cattle guard." I followed her, still acting on instinct. "What do we do?" I asked Bekah, and she said, "Yell at them and wave your arms. They won't run over you."
I'm still slightly nervous around horses just because they're so big and could hurt me without meaning to. But they thundered around the corner, and Bekah shouted and waved her arms, and there was nothing to do but yell "Hey! Hey! Go the other way!" at the top of my lungs and wave my arms like a mad woman. And somehow it worked. Thankfully the horses don't care what you yell. Even though the wranglers were giving cowboy cries of "Hi-yup!" apparently "Hey, go the other way" works just as well.
It was actually a lot of fun. I felt like I was in a cowboy movie. As we walked back inside, we shared high fives with the housekeepers, who had blocked off another branch of the road with their truck. Servers and housekeepers save the day!
We've been reweaving the backs of the dining room chairs. The chairs were actually made in a prison in Indiana, which is amusing to me. We have to patch the parts that are broken or falling out. I thought it would be like a fun craft, but it's actually super frustrating. Once you start pulling out a piece, you pretty much have to reweave the whole chair. If you try to use little short pieces, they pull out when they dry. I was ready to throw mine out the window by the end of today. But we are splitting it up with fun activities, like making espressos and a treasure hunt to learn where things are kept. It's sooo helpful to have worked here before. I feel much less incompetent. Tonight is our practice barn dance, so that should be fun, too.
The horses started coming by, wranglers stationed along the road to urge them on. We watched as they galloped into the corral. Suddenly a pack of about ten of them broke loose and started looping back around the other way to the road. Bekah yelled, "Come on!" and started running. We blindly followed her. We ran to a fork in the road, where she said, "Some of you stay here, and someone come with me down here to keep them from running over the cattle guard." I followed her, still acting on instinct. "What do we do?" I asked Bekah, and she said, "Yell at them and wave your arms. They won't run over you."
I'm still slightly nervous around horses just because they're so big and could hurt me without meaning to. But they thundered around the corner, and Bekah shouted and waved her arms, and there was nothing to do but yell "Hey! Hey! Go the other way!" at the top of my lungs and wave my arms like a mad woman. And somehow it worked. Thankfully the horses don't care what you yell. Even though the wranglers were giving cowboy cries of "Hi-yup!" apparently "Hey, go the other way" works just as well.
It was actually a lot of fun. I felt like I was in a cowboy movie. As we walked back inside, we shared high fives with the housekeepers, who had blocked off another branch of the road with their truck. Servers and housekeepers save the day!
We've been reweaving the backs of the dining room chairs. The chairs were actually made in a prison in Indiana, which is amusing to me. We have to patch the parts that are broken or falling out. I thought it would be like a fun craft, but it's actually super frustrating. Once you start pulling out a piece, you pretty much have to reweave the whole chair. If you try to use little short pieces, they pull out when they dry. I was ready to throw mine out the window by the end of today. But we are splitting it up with fun activities, like making espressos and a treasure hunt to learn where things are kept. It's sooo helpful to have worked here before. I feel much less incompetent. Tonight is our practice barn dance, so that should be fun, too.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
WOW!
I am back in Colorado, back at good old Vista Verde. Soon after we arrived, Dace pulled me aside and told me I'd be living in the Parlor, the new staff quarters that had been built during the off season. Sweet, I thought. Well, we got there, and I just about flipped out! The polite term of "rustic" that I used for the bunkhouse does not apply in any way! Best part--I am rooming with Teresa! We have our own bedroom with a bunkbed, our own bathroom, and we each have our very own closet! I don't know what to do with this much space! There are two more bedrooms, one with two girls and one with three, who share a suite-style bathroom. We definitely lucked out. Everything is new and beautiful. There's a kitchen! I can cook and bake! Downstairs in the basement is the common room with the TV, but it's all the way in the basement! There's yards of space and two doors we can close between us if we're trying to sleep. They also moved the fitness equipment to the basement. We have our very own home gym! I went to the bunkhouse to get some stuff that I stored there during the break, and I pitied those poor souls.
It's been fun to see everyone from last season. I still feel like I haven't met many new people, but that will come. Right now I'm going to shower and hit the sack and try to get used to this time change.
MY HOME IS AWESOME!
It's been fun to see everyone from last season. I still feel like I haven't met many new people, but that will come. Right now I'm going to shower and hit the sack and try to get used to this time change.
MY HOME IS AWESOME!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
I've begun the whirlwind of madly packing up my life, which of course I put off to the last minute. I think part of me was in denial this time. It's definitely time for a change, though. I can't keep living with the rents and working for my cousin. Of course, if I had been planning on staying longer, I would have been on the look-out for a new situation. I think this lasted just the right amount of time. I don't know what I'll do when I come back, though...ok, one step at a time.
Thursday was the first time it really hit me that my time in Lafayette is almost over. There was always "one more thing" to look forward to, but the "We'll miss you" cookie at girls' night clued me in (thanks for the cookie, by the way, Kim and Sheena and whoever else engineered that! It was a fun surprise and very yummy!). I tend to live in denial for a while before I face some things, so I spent the rest of that evening pretending it wasn't really the last time I would see people. But then I had to hug everyone and tell them goodbye...it's really hard to pretend you're not leaving at that point. I cried on the way home, not surprising to those who know my tendency to be a "leaky faucet," I'm sure. Anyone up for a church transplant? The Rockies are beautiful this time of year!
I've been thinking about this song a lot. I'm not really a fan of Superchick (other than the classic "Princes and Frogs"), but I love the lyrics to this song.
"Pure"
This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that's to be found
And life all around
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above, my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where i want to go, the rest will follow
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that i fall down
The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
My soul is at ease and i am free
My soul is at ease and i am free
This is my day, my soul is at ease and i am free
(and i am free, and i am free)
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
Thursday was the first time it really hit me that my time in Lafayette is almost over. There was always "one more thing" to look forward to, but the "We'll miss you" cookie at girls' night clued me in (thanks for the cookie, by the way, Kim and Sheena and whoever else engineered that! It was a fun surprise and very yummy!). I tend to live in denial for a while before I face some things, so I spent the rest of that evening pretending it wasn't really the last time I would see people. But then I had to hug everyone and tell them goodbye...it's really hard to pretend you're not leaving at that point. I cried on the way home, not surprising to those who know my tendency to be a "leaky faucet," I'm sure. Anyone up for a church transplant? The Rockies are beautiful this time of year!
I've been thinking about this song a lot. I'm not really a fan of Superchick (other than the classic "Princes and Frogs"), but I love the lyrics to this song.
"Pure"
This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that's to be found
And life all around
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above, my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where i want to go, the rest will follow
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that i fall down
The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
My soul is at ease and i am free
My soul is at ease and i am free
This is my day, my soul is at ease and i am free
(and i am free, and i am free)
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love
Thursday, May 15, 2008
What breed of dog are you?
Got this from Ann:
Wow, You're a Labrador Retriever!
Labrador Retriever
The Caretaker
Your family is what makes you tick, and you never "flea" from an opportunity to hang out with the whole gang. A family picnic complete with hot dogs, deviled eggs and a refreshing swim in the lake is hard for you to stray from. Your sparky temperament and dogged intelligence mean you are not only a blast to hang out with, but great to work with as well. Your close pals appreciate your patience and forgiveness, knowing you'd rather let sleeping dogs lie than dwell on the mishaps of the past. Your dashing good looks may one day lead to a modelling career, if only you can tame the unfortunate clumsiness that sometimes causes you to go flailing from the catwalk. Learn more »
FAMOUS LABRADOR RETRIEVERS: Bill Cosby, Jackie Onassis, Dr. Phil, David Beckham
LIKELY PROFESSIONS: Doctor, Sales Executive, Teacher
Wow, You're a Labrador Retriever!
Labrador Retriever
The Caretaker
Your family is what makes you tick, and you never "flea" from an opportunity to hang out with the whole gang. A family picnic complete with hot dogs, deviled eggs and a refreshing swim in the lake is hard for you to stray from. Your sparky temperament and dogged intelligence mean you are not only a blast to hang out with, but great to work with as well. Your close pals appreciate your patience and forgiveness, knowing you'd rather let sleeping dogs lie than dwell on the mishaps of the past. Your dashing good looks may one day lead to a modelling career, if only you can tame the unfortunate clumsiness that sometimes causes you to go flailing from the catwalk. Learn more »
FAMOUS LABRADOR RETRIEVERS: Bill Cosby, Jackie Onassis, Dr. Phil, David Beckham
LIKELY PROFESSIONS: Doctor, Sales Executive, Teacher
Monday, May 12, 2008
Tired
Well, my car did start. I don't know what was going on with it. Before I got in the second time, I stopped for a second and said, "Jesus, please start this car!" And He did. So thanks, Jesus!
Wow, what a looong week/weekend! I had no idea about these big "floral holidays." Last night I fell asleep on my bed while I was watching TV, probably around 6:30. I woke up at 1 am and realized that I was still in my jeans and hadn't brushed my teeth. I pretty much hadn't moved. So I quickly changed and attended to my oral hygiene and went back to sleep until 6 am. And I'm still tired enough to feel ready for an early bedtime tonight. This is one of the things that lets me appreciate singleness. If I had three kids to look after, no way could I have fallen asleep that early and stayed asleep so long. I'm sure I'll miss it when kids come into the picture. Not that it won't be worth it. I am just going to enjoy my hours of uninterrupted sleep while I can.
I am starting to gear up for my departure this Sunday. Packing, sorting, last-minute errands and work. I definitely have mixed feelings about leaving this time. It was really hard being away from fellowship and being with people who were mostly younger than me and did not necessarily spur me on to love and good deeds. I definitely learned and grew a lot from being in that situation, but the time at home has been so refreshing and healing and growing in a different, less abrasive way. Right now I'm thinking that I'd like to move back to Lafayette after the season. I'll need to find somewhere to work and hopefully somewhere else to live...but I want to be here. I'm tired of all the back-and-forth and I'm ready to put down some roots. I'm ready to have a "real" job and pay rent and use all the stuff that I keep saving for "some day when I have my own place." I don't want to be away over the holidays again if I can help it. So, if anyone knows of any good places to live/work starting in September...ok, I know, still a long ways off.
Wow, what a looong week/weekend! I had no idea about these big "floral holidays." Last night I fell asleep on my bed while I was watching TV, probably around 6:30. I woke up at 1 am and realized that I was still in my jeans and hadn't brushed my teeth. I pretty much hadn't moved. So I quickly changed and attended to my oral hygiene and went back to sleep until 6 am. And I'm still tired enough to feel ready for an early bedtime tonight. This is one of the things that lets me appreciate singleness. If I had three kids to look after, no way could I have fallen asleep that early and stayed asleep so long. I'm sure I'll miss it when kids come into the picture. Not that it won't be worth it. I am just going to enjoy my hours of uninterrupted sleep while I can.
I am starting to gear up for my departure this Sunday. Packing, sorting, last-minute errands and work. I definitely have mixed feelings about leaving this time. It was really hard being away from fellowship and being with people who were mostly younger than me and did not necessarily spur me on to love and good deeds. I definitely learned and grew a lot from being in that situation, but the time at home has been so refreshing and healing and growing in a different, less abrasive way. Right now I'm thinking that I'd like to move back to Lafayette after the season. I'll need to find somewhere to work and hopefully somewhere else to live...but I want to be here. I'm tired of all the back-and-forth and I'm ready to put down some roots. I'm ready to have a "real" job and pay rent and use all the stuff that I keep saving for "some day when I have my own place." I don't want to be away over the holidays again if I can help it. So, if anyone knows of any good places to live/work starting in September...ok, I know, still a long ways off.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Right now I am frustrated because my car won't start. There's no good reason for this. This is my last time at RVC before I leave for Colorado, and I refuse to miss it. I am going to try my car again soon, and if it doesn't start, I will try calling people to see if anyone is going to the second service, even though I think almost everyone I have numbers for goes to 1st service. Grrrr!
This week has been really busy. The floral industry has been hoppin' for Mother's Day. The other girl who works there has also been out of town, so I've been learning a lot of new stuff like how to use the computers and how to "greens" a basket, which means sticking leaves of leatherleaf fern into a chunk of floral foam glued in a basket. Good times. Yesterday my cousin recruited our extended family to help her with all the Mother's Day craziness. My mom and I delivered together. It was fun to spend some time with her. Then, at 2 o'clock, my sister showed up to whisk me away to a surprise she had for me! She took me to Euphoria Spa downtown and we got pedicures! Getting pedicures is one of my favorite things, especially when I have a job that keeps me standing all day. It was sooo relaxing. Afterwards we went shopping to find shoes and jewelry to go with Shannon's new summer dress. We also hit the grocery store for supplies for the Mother's Day lunch we're making today. That should be fun, too.
Ok, time to try the car again!
This week has been really busy. The floral industry has been hoppin' for Mother's Day. The other girl who works there has also been out of town, so I've been learning a lot of new stuff like how to use the computers and how to "greens" a basket, which means sticking leaves of leatherleaf fern into a chunk of floral foam glued in a basket. Good times. Yesterday my cousin recruited our extended family to help her with all the Mother's Day craziness. My mom and I delivered together. It was fun to spend some time with her. Then, at 2 o'clock, my sister showed up to whisk me away to a surprise she had for me! She took me to Euphoria Spa downtown and we got pedicures! Getting pedicures is one of my favorite things, especially when I have a job that keeps me standing all day. It was sooo relaxing. Afterwards we went shopping to find shoes and jewelry to go with Shannon's new summer dress. We also hit the grocery store for supplies for the Mother's Day lunch we're making today. That should be fun, too.
Ok, time to try the car again!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Happy Monday
I went to see Made of Honor tonight. It was pretty cute, but a little smarmy for my taste. Plus, one of the people I went to see it with was very loud. She was that person you always turn around and look at in hopes that they'll see your displeasure and dial it down. Except when everyone turned around, there I was next to her, and I got their looks too. I felt like I should take her to the hall for a time out. So that may have tainted my perspective of the movie, too.
I cleaned 300 roses today. Apparently when a holiday is coming up, the order from the wholesaler gets doubled. But I didn't seem to be doing it fast enough, because my cousin came back and started doing them for me and told me to go vacuum. I think we might need to work on our communication. I took that as, "You suck at this, I'll have to do it myself, go vacuum." My mom pointed out that she might have thought I didn't like it and was trying to save me the task. I also worked for her last summer, but since then I have learned a lot about stepping up, being confident and making my own decisions, customer service and just a whole boatload of stuff, but I think she still sees me as the person from last summer. We're not super close and we never talk about issues like that, so there's no reason she should know that I'm any different, but I wish she wouldn't assume that I can only handle really menial tasks. Oh well, I'm only here for two more weeks.
Happy Monday, everybody!
I cleaned 300 roses today. Apparently when a holiday is coming up, the order from the wholesaler gets doubled. But I didn't seem to be doing it fast enough, because my cousin came back and started doing them for me and told me to go vacuum. I think we might need to work on our communication. I took that as, "You suck at this, I'll have to do it myself, go vacuum." My mom pointed out that she might have thought I didn't like it and was trying to save me the task. I also worked for her last summer, but since then I have learned a lot about stepping up, being confident and making my own decisions, customer service and just a whole boatload of stuff, but I think she still sees me as the person from last summer. We're not super close and we never talk about issues like that, so there's no reason she should know that I'm any different, but I wish she wouldn't assume that I can only handle really menial tasks. Oh well, I'm only here for two more weeks.
Happy Monday, everybody!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
God in me
Happy is not the right word for how I feel right now. Content, maybe--but that seems too lackadaisical. I feel a deep, settled happiness in my heart, apart from any circumstances. None of this feeling comes from the fact that I got to take a nap this afternoon or that I made cheesy garlic bread pizza for dinner (yum) or that I'm planning on some time with a glass of wine and my latest story characters after my parents go to bed. It's apart from that--much too deep to be affected by these surface events.
Two weeks ago I felt dazzlingly happy. I had just returned from a visit to Bloomington. I was apprehensive going into that weekend and wondering what it would be like to see my campus leaders and the students I used to work with. While I was there, though, I felt really affirmed that I wasn't supposed to have been there this year. Part of me always wondered how it would have worked out if I had different leaders or something, but God used that weekend to build confidence that college ministry was not where I was supposed to be this year, and I wouldn't have grown in the ways that I have if I had stayed.
I got the chance to visit Exodus church while I was there, the church that I started going to second semester. They had a guest speaker who spoke about the spiritual realm. It was one of the best talks I'd heard in a long time. I appreciated how he talked about the topic biblically, then shared his own experience. It made it clear that he was talking about God's heart and God's thoughts on the subject, not just crazy things he'd seen. His main verse was Matthew 11: 12 - "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." He also talked about John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He made the point that stealing, killing and destroying are violent actions and can't be met passively. He talked about the Jesus-given authority we have in the kingdom of heaven. He held up the keys to his Chevy Impala and said, "I have these keys, which means I control the car. I decide who else drives it, whether it's locked and unlocked, who has access to it and who I want in it or not. Having the keys means I have ownership." He said that Jesus gave us the keys to the kingdom, and we have that same kind of ownership and authority in the heavenly realms.
After the sermon, I knew I had to go back for prayer. My heart was heavy with what he'd said. The speaker (whose name I really wish I could remember) and his wife were waiting to pray with me. I didn't have any clear or collected thoughts for them, but I told them that I used to work for one of the campus ministries and I was visiting a place that I had left in a lot of hurt, and the day before, I'd felt a profound and inexplicable sense of depression. It was one of those times when I know that I know that the Holy Spirit was leading them in prayer because I just gave them that bare information, and the speaker said, "So you feel like your gifts weren't appreciated and you were rejected." Um, yes. Then he said, "Has it happened to you before?" Again, yes! Then they laid hands on me and prayed for me. They took authority over the spirit of rejection in my life and bound it and cast it out. Again, it was one of those times that I knew deep in my heart that the power was broken. There was no question or sense of "I don't think I made myself clear because they're praying for something different," just the words "It's broken" and a deep heart knowledge that the spirit of rejection was broken. They prayed lots of things for me, precious things full of scriptural truth. Then they asked me, "What do you love to do?" The two things that came to mind were "Write and be with children." As I was starting to leave after their prayer, the husband called me back and said, "Wait, I need to tell you something else. If you have something to write, write. Be an instrument through which the fragrance of God's word is diffused."
I was writing down the things they'd said in my journal after the service so I wouldn't forget them. When I wrote that one, I realized that for so long, when I'd tried to write, I'd felt guilty. It was either, "I should be having a quiet time" or "I'm going to write something that dishonors God" or "I should be living in the real world with real people instead of my fantasy world with my characters." While these have been issues at times, I realized that the enemy had built a lie in me and made me believe that I shouldn't write. I felt violent then! Since then, it's been so great to look back at old stories and recapture that love for sharing through words and characters and plots and language. It's good! It's a gift from God to me.
That spiritual high carried through the week. It kind of took a hit when I had a frustrating conversation toward the end of the week. I had asked to talk with this person hoping that I could resolve some junk, but I felt like it just dug up the old junk and made me even more on my guard with them. I've since had to think through it and think about what is true, what are my own misconceptions, what did they really say as opposed to what did I hear, but it is still frustrating. The point was to resolve junk, not to creat new junk that I now have to wade through.
The service today was fantastic, though. It's been so long since I've felt able to fully engage with God in worship, but today I just loved on Him and felt His love flowing back to me. I got prayer after the service again, and the result has been this settled, heart-happy peacefulness. Dare I call it joy?
Two weeks ago I felt dazzlingly happy. I had just returned from a visit to Bloomington. I was apprehensive going into that weekend and wondering what it would be like to see my campus leaders and the students I used to work with. While I was there, though, I felt really affirmed that I wasn't supposed to have been there this year. Part of me always wondered how it would have worked out if I had different leaders or something, but God used that weekend to build confidence that college ministry was not where I was supposed to be this year, and I wouldn't have grown in the ways that I have if I had stayed.
I got the chance to visit Exodus church while I was there, the church that I started going to second semester. They had a guest speaker who spoke about the spiritual realm. It was one of the best talks I'd heard in a long time. I appreciated how he talked about the topic biblically, then shared his own experience. It made it clear that he was talking about God's heart and God's thoughts on the subject, not just crazy things he'd seen. His main verse was Matthew 11: 12 - "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." He also talked about John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He made the point that stealing, killing and destroying are violent actions and can't be met passively. He talked about the Jesus-given authority we have in the kingdom of heaven. He held up the keys to his Chevy Impala and said, "I have these keys, which means I control the car. I decide who else drives it, whether it's locked and unlocked, who has access to it and who I want in it or not. Having the keys means I have ownership." He said that Jesus gave us the keys to the kingdom, and we have that same kind of ownership and authority in the heavenly realms.
After the sermon, I knew I had to go back for prayer. My heart was heavy with what he'd said. The speaker (whose name I really wish I could remember) and his wife were waiting to pray with me. I didn't have any clear or collected thoughts for them, but I told them that I used to work for one of the campus ministries and I was visiting a place that I had left in a lot of hurt, and the day before, I'd felt a profound and inexplicable sense of depression. It was one of those times when I know that I know that the Holy Spirit was leading them in prayer because I just gave them that bare information, and the speaker said, "So you feel like your gifts weren't appreciated and you were rejected." Um, yes. Then he said, "Has it happened to you before?" Again, yes! Then they laid hands on me and prayed for me. They took authority over the spirit of rejection in my life and bound it and cast it out. Again, it was one of those times that I knew deep in my heart that the power was broken. There was no question or sense of "I don't think I made myself clear because they're praying for something different," just the words "It's broken" and a deep heart knowledge that the spirit of rejection was broken. They prayed lots of things for me, precious things full of scriptural truth. Then they asked me, "What do you love to do?" The two things that came to mind were "Write and be with children." As I was starting to leave after their prayer, the husband called me back and said, "Wait, I need to tell you something else. If you have something to write, write. Be an instrument through which the fragrance of God's word is diffused."
I was writing down the things they'd said in my journal after the service so I wouldn't forget them. When I wrote that one, I realized that for so long, when I'd tried to write, I'd felt guilty. It was either, "I should be having a quiet time" or "I'm going to write something that dishonors God" or "I should be living in the real world with real people instead of my fantasy world with my characters." While these have been issues at times, I realized that the enemy had built a lie in me and made me believe that I shouldn't write. I felt violent then! Since then, it's been so great to look back at old stories and recapture that love for sharing through words and characters and plots and language. It's good! It's a gift from God to me.
That spiritual high carried through the week. It kind of took a hit when I had a frustrating conversation toward the end of the week. I had asked to talk with this person hoping that I could resolve some junk, but I felt like it just dug up the old junk and made me even more on my guard with them. I've since had to think through it and think about what is true, what are my own misconceptions, what did they really say as opposed to what did I hear, but it is still frustrating. The point was to resolve junk, not to creat new junk that I now have to wade through.
The service today was fantastic, though. It's been so long since I've felt able to fully engage with God in worship, but today I just loved on Him and felt His love flowing back to me. I got prayer after the service again, and the result has been this settled, heart-happy peacefulness. Dare I call it joy?
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