Once again, I have been prompted to update by Jonell. And I realized it has been a while since I posted. So, without further ado, my update.
The reason I haven't posted lately is because I have been doing a lot of soul-searching and deep thinking, and I haven't had a chance to process all of it yet. I feel like God has been challenging me a lot. Things that I have always been confident in--and not prideful, just secure that God has gifted me in--have been slightly attacked. To name some, compassion, creativity, hospitality, being good with kids, and also less deep things like fashion and appearance, like having to wear my glasses several days because my contacts dry out so quickly and I look hung over or high. But in the midst of all this, I don't sense the enemy's attack nearly so much as God's voice asking, "Are you going to choose to believe my truth? In spite of these circumstances, will you believe what I say about you?" It's so hard for me not to compare myself to one of the other girls in particular. I've always struggled with comparing myself. It doesn't help that this girl is also rather insecure and takes advantage of any opportunity to one-up someone else.
Which leads to the second thing I've been thinking about. It's so easy to think, "If people here were different, it would be so easy to believe God's truth/love them/not hold back with being myself." Well, people here aren't different, and they aren't going to change just because I want them to. What I need to figure out is how to work with them and adjust myself in healthy ways without becoming like them or losing myself in the process. I don't know how to do that. I find myself wanting to stoop to their level and tear them down. I was convicted today as I read 1 John 3:18 - "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with action and in truth," but I still don't feel that way. There are some people that you just can't win with: either they're moody and angry and blaming your for everything, or they're in a "good mood" and constantly ripping on you. I'm past the point of "Don't take it personally" and "have a thick skin." I feel like a tree that someone has constantly been taking little chips out of with an ax, and now the slightest breeze is going to blow me over. But also, I realize anew just how completely dependent I am on God. I most definitely do not have enough love to last through this. If I'm going to love these people, it will be purely God's love. Which is what I want to show them anyway.
That's all for now. More may follow later, but it's late and I have to work tomorrow. Thanks to our sponsor, Jonell Smith!
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4 comments:
I had a vision at lifegroup of a tsunami wave crashing into the forest. Incidentally, there were two trees that did not fall. Their roots went deep and God held them up. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if it could be for you as well. The message I got from that was God really encouraging the person to stand strong and to rely on Him and He will uphold you.
Yeah, that tsunami thing could totally be for Kelsey!
Thanks for the update. I will be praying for more of God's love for those around you. Stick with it. Be true to your convictions.
We love and miss you!! :)
(((Hugs)))!
New update please! We like hearing what's happening in your world!
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