I got an e-mail from my mom today that my grandpa is back in the hospital. He dropped his razor, and when he bent over to pick it up, he tore his rotator cuff. While he was there he caught some kind of flu bug and they have him hooked up to an IV and oxygen. When my uncle asked him what the oxygen was for, he was surprised to find out that he was on oxygen. He has been confused and disoriented since checking in, which is not normal for him. He's been in and out of hospitals so much that it's almost like, "Oh, Grandpa's in the hospital again," but at the same time all his health problems seem to be compounding, and I know he won't live forever. His 90th birthday is on Christmas day, and there is a big party planned where all my dad's side is getting together. I knew I would miss that when I came out here, and I knew the last time I visited him would probably be the last time I saw him. But I just hate that I can't be with my family right now. I hate that I don't have any deep friendships here, and while everyone is really nice, there's no one I can spill my guts to and cry my eyes out with. People who know feel bad, but no one knows me well enough to really care. I just feel really alone and helpless. It's not like there's anything I could do if I were there, either. I just want to be there.