Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Conflict Resolution: Part II

I feel a long post coming on. So get a cup of coffee and settle back...

Rob has been pretty intolerable lately. He's been getting mad about stupid little things and refusing to communicate with us. Sunday things came to a head. Peggy and Jerry, the ranch owners, came for breakfast. Peggy asked for a half portion of the breakfast quesadilla, and Jerry said no potatoes, which usually come with every order, and no fruit garnish on his plate because he doesn't like to waste it. Charissa put the order in, and Rob got really mad and said "I don't do half quesadillas!" Then he made Jerry's plate with garnish and potatoes, and when we reminded him (even though it was written on the ticket), he blew up and said it was written too small. Charissa asked if she should take it off, and his response was to throw his spatula into the sour cream and slam plates down on the counter. I thought, "This is utterly ridiculous; he's being unreasonable and childish," so I scraped it off myself. Then he started yelling again: "Don't touch the plates! I'm the only one who ever touches plates!" which is not true. I was mad by this point, and I admit I was heated and frustrated when I said, "Then you need to tell us that when we ask and not just throw things!" I am so over being afraid of him. The rest of the day was uncomfortable, and things blew up again at dinner that evening. One of the guests had a sick daughter who wanted to stay with her parents for dinner, but naturally she didn't want to order osso buco or braised rack of lamb. Her parents asked if they could get her a plate from the kids' meal in the back, so Teresa took them back for some mac'n'cheese. Meanwhile, Rob was getting all flustered because she hadn't brought their ticket back yet. When she came he asked what took so long, then got really angry because he didn't get to plate it up and it wouldn't look good enough for the dining room, blah blah blah. The way he talked to Teresa was absolutely inexcusable. He was completely unreasonable and aggressively angry and rude and disrespectful to her. She handled it so well, though. She told him she could take criticism from him and he could tell her what she was doing wrong, but she could take it better if he treated her like a person and didn't disrespect her. They had a long talk later and parted on good terms, but I had had it with him and I talked to Ben the next day. Working with Rob has been so good for me because it's forced me to face conflict rather than run from it, and I've learned to deal with what he says to me, but when he talks to other people that way, I don't feel morally right about doing nothing.

It was so good to talk with Ben. Partly just to be heard, partly because he really listened and cared, and partly because of the way he handled it. He agreed that Rob's behavior was not acceptable and said he would have a talk with him. He also asked me to pray for his talk with Rob and reminded me that I should be praying for Rob all the time, and part of the reason he's so hard to deal with is that he's a hurting person who needs Jesus in his life. It's so easy to be quick to anger and judgmental of him, and so hard to offer him grace, because he so obviously doesn't deserve it. But what makes me think I deserve it any more than him? How can I not pass on the undeserved grace that I receive every day? I love that Ben is willing to work with Rob and try to help him develop better communication and people skills rather than just yelling at him or telling him it's over. I think that is a true reflection of God working in our lives. It's a great role model to have in a boss.

In other news...I still don't know a date when I'm coming home. I think I'll be working here until March 15, and then Elisha and I will be driving home. We still need to figure out what we want to do and see the most and limit ourselves to those things.

Something weird has been happening to some of the girls physically. Yesterday Teresa was dizzy and got a nosebleed right before dinner. I was really tired and felt dizzy and had a headache today. I think the headache has something to do with the other day when I skied off a four-foot embankment. You're supposed to wedge your skis into the sides and climb down, but when I was skiing up to it, I couldn't stop, and I went right off the edge and landed flat on my back and head. It was actually one of those moments I wished I had instant replay of--I think God and I will watch it in heaven and enjoy a chuckle. But my neck and back have been hurting. I am going to a chiropractor tomorrow. I have to go to Craig, so hopefully I will get to do some shopping, too! I was so tired and disoriented last night that I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie, and I ended up sleeping there all night in my formal dining uniform. Elisha tried to wake me up, which I vaguely remember, but I just said "Ok" and didn't move.

Oh friends, I miss you all! I am ready to leave the snow and see you all again!

2 comments:

Kim said...

Thanks for the post Kelsey! I'm proud of your response to Rob...both in standing up for yourself, but also realizing that he is hurting...Hard convictions always just kind of get you. I was convicted just reading about it.

We miss you and can't wait to see you again. I drive by your house on my way to drop the kiddo off for lifegroup and I always think about you. Thanks for the post!

Ann said...

Thanks for the post! Hard as it is to deal with Rob, you're doing a great job...and you're right, he needs God...and we "deserve" grace as much as he does.

I'm glad you'll be back soon!