Happy Halloween!

Today is also my sister's birthday. She is twenty-six today. It seems really strange that she is closer to thirty than twenty. But she is closer to twenty-five than thirty, and twenty-five isn't that old. Neither is thirty, honestly. It just seems old for my sister.

The kids were really excited about Halloween today. At the end of the day the teacher asked them what they were going to be. Some of the more original answers included a banana, a pirate karate maid, and a deadbeat cowboy. No trick-or-treaters come to our house. It is sad. I miss them every year since we moved here.

I have to start keeping a journal for Alex at school. It's going to go something like this: "This morning Alex did not ask for any help. This afternoon Alex did not ask for any help. I helped him write some because I have to." So, not exactly like that, but there really is not much to write. It's sad because there are other kids who could really benefit from a para, and Alex is learning dependence when he could be independent.

My parents have been gone during the evenings this week for a conference at their church called Rekindle the Flame. I've really been enjoying the solitude. I cook for myself, use the kitchen/bathroom/TV whenever I want, and imagine that I have my own house. Kind of pathetic, I know.

I just had a conversation with my parents about being closer to thirty than twenty. Please note that I am not. I am twenty-four. I said that by the time I'm closer to thirty, I want to have my own place. My mom said, "Well, you better start praying." I protested, "I've got some time," and she said, "Well, these things take time." I pointed out that I said I wanted to have my own place, not my own child. Actually, I want my own place far before then, but that is just the time I definitely, absolutely do not want to be living at home. Remember those plans for your life they used to make you write in high school? I always said I wanted to be married out of college and be done having kids by thirty. Clearly, this is not my life. Why do they make you make those stupid plans anyway? So you can look back and see how far your expectations have fallen since high school? No one really has realistic expectations in high school. I think one reason it's been hard for me to find a "career job" is that all I've ever really wanted to do is be a wife and mother full-time. That was always my high school plan. That doesn't seem very *ambitious* to some people, but that's really all I want. I love it when I get to spend time with babies and little people, but part of me aches because they're not mine. I know there are other single women out there who are my age, but all my friends left Lafayette when they graduated, and all the people I meet now are moms. They talk about their kids, babysit each other's kids, share baby clothes and baby stories, etc. It's challenging to relate to sometimes, and other times it's hard not be jealous of where they are in life. I do believe that my desires to be a wife and mother are God-given and don't dishonor Him, but it can be hard waiting around.

So, this post was...different. I'm not one who usually likes to post about deep stuff, if you call that deep. That just shows you what a conversation with my mom can do. I suppose that's one benefit of not being a mom...no one is exasperated by me the way that I am sometimes exasperated by my mom.

Psalm 84:11 - "For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withold from those whose walk is blameless."